


not like this

by flynnisfly



Category: Handsome Devil (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2019-05-27 20:23:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15032498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flynnisfly/pseuds/flynnisfly
Summary: falling in love. falling in love. no, it was never part of the plan. it wasn’t supposed to happen. not here. not at woodhill. definitely not with someone on the rugby team. not with a boy who smiled like he wasn’t allowed to be happy.it wasn’t supposed to happen like this.yet, it did.





	not like this

**Author's Note:**

> i like to think this takes place in an alternate timeline, where ned never saw conor go into the bar 
> 
> that’s it thats my note go read the fic

falling in love. falling in love. no, it was never part of the plan. it wasn’t supposed to happen. not here. not at woodhill. definitely not with someone on the rugby team. not with a boy who smiled like he wasn’t allowed to be happy. 

 

it wasn’t supposed to happen like this. 

 

yet, it did. 

 

“conor, can we talk?” ned wasted no time. not with this. he was tired of wading his way through life. tired of letting the tide carry him wherever it pleased. he wanted to swim. he  _ needed _ to swim. 

 

conor closed his book, clearly happy for an excuse to ignore it. “what’s up?”

 

“you’re not allowed to interrupt at any point. listen and then respond.“

 

“fair enough. shoot.”

 

ned closed his eyes, taking one last deep breath before he let it all go. 

 

“i’m in love with you. i don’t know how or when. i just know that i am, and it’s  _ killing me.  _ i can’t stop thinking about kissing you, or being in your arms, or sitting on your lap with your arms around my waist, or holding your hand, or playing with your hair, or making you laugh, or saying something dumb just to see you smile and roll your eyes at me. i am so fucking in love with you that it’s driving me mad. 

 

“i know that you don’t feel the same way and that you’re not gay, and believe me, i am more than aware that i could be ruining everything right now, but shit, conor. i can’t keep pretending that i’m not in love with my best friend.”

 

“quit pacing and sit.” ned didn’t even realize he’d been pacing, but he stopped regardless, sitting as far as he could from conor while remaining on the bed. “ned, don’t play that shit. come here.” conor waited, and when ned didn’t seem to be budging, he scooted over, placing a hand on ned’s knee. “you think you’re the only one in love with his best friend? you’re dead wrong.” 

 

conor stood, digging through his side table for a few seconds, then on to his bag, then finally under the head of his mattress. he pulled out a black journal, tossing it directly into ned’s lap. “read it.” ned opened to the first page. 

 

**_they say love is supposed to be easy. clear. concise. you’re not supposed to be terrified of love. love seems to be the most terrifying thing in the world to me right now. if you were to ask me why i love him, i’d probably say something like, “he listens when no one else wants to. he pays attention. he actually hears what i say,” but even so, it’s more than that. it’s the dramatic flop down onto his bed after a long day. it’s him turning to ask how my day was immediately following said flop. it’s the love for his old records and mr sherry and his mum. it’s the lamp on at three in the morning just because he needed to write something down immediately, or because he’s not able to put his book down. it’s the way he holds himself, like he can’t be pushed down with only the slightest effort. it’s the plastic bag wrapped ‘round his head while he dyes his hair. it’s the plate of food on my bed when i get out of practice after supper. it’s every little thing he does that makes me fall in love with him all over again._ **

 

**_and it’s terrifying._ **

 

**_i love ned roche so much that it scares me._ **

 

ned looked up at conor the second he finished reading. “you love me?”

 

conor moved to sit right next to ned, shoulders and legs touching. “ _ so  _ much. i think i have since pretty much the day we met.” he grabbed ned’s hand, giving it one good squeeze. 

 

“can i kiss you?” 

 

conor didn’t answer, only moved his free hand to ned’s cheek as he leaned in. 

 

there were never supposed to be soft smiles or goosebumps at the brush of a hand. there were never supposed to be heads asleep on shoulders or fingers intertwined. there were never supposed to be lips meeting lips or arms holding tight.

 

yet, there were.

**Author's Note:**

> my twitter is @canyonsversion if you want to go follow me there and we can yell abt these boys?? please comment i have a daughter (cat) to feed and comments and kudos are my currency
> 
> ps. my friend shay and i made a playlist for these boys
> 
> apple music: https://itunes.apple.com/us/playlist//pl.u-gxblkKGTMK7kZg  
> spotify: https://open.spotify.com/user/shayshay7151/playlist/2M16MBeS4HmbwwLTuw6sfk?si=VVGlVz7GTX6aPbDPVVB6cA


End file.
